My Mid-Twenties Crisis

Hello my name is Mia, I’m 24 and I’m having my Mid-Twenties Crisis.

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Let’s have a learning lesson folks. What is Mid-Twenties Crisis?

Mid-Twenties Crisis: When you’re in your mid-twenties and realize you’re closer to 30 than 20 and you have no clue what the hell you’re doing in life.

Now for the readers who are already thinking “you have your whole life ahead of you” and “you’re so young, enjoy” No. I cannot enjoy life when Forbes is telling me that I’m already screwed for retirement and social security won’t exist in 2 years when I just got a job like last week.

I am at the crossroads of my life and I can genuinely say that I have no clue what the fuck I’m doing.

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Why didn’t anyone warn me of this annoying period? Generations have all gone through their twenties and they failed to mentioned that it’s one of the most fun but complicated but annoying but freeing periods in your life.

There’s so many things I have issues with within my 20s that I need to make a list and when I’m upset, I run down the list and figure out which one is making me upset – it’s draining.

Let’s start with the whole shitty getting started process. Parents – I get it, you want us to succeed and be successful but if we are applying to jobs and not getting them, I don’t know what you want us to tell you. Sorry Mom and Dad but no one wants to hire me because my degree was actually shit and most employers know that therefore they based it on my internships which they don’t feel like was good enough either? I talked to a friend who said she saved $5,000 IN college. Bitch what job did you have and did you actually go to school? Because I worked retail and made $7.75 an hour – just saying. Getting started sucks and even when you get the job and start being in the real world – something usually screws you like a popped tire or speeding ticket.

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Work Life. I hate Work Life because work dictates money and money is what fucks you in life the most. I don’t know who I’m more mad at – college for giving me false hopes that my GPA would get me a job or Glassdoor for making me believe that I could make a realistic salary in an actual industry I want to work in. No one warned me of the work struggle – I had a confrontation with my mother the other day literally asking me why she did not warn me. I warn every person I know graduating college because post-grad no job syndrome makes you want to quit at life. I will say that God blessed me with a job because he knew if I moved back East, my life would have been like a bad episode of Teen Mom with a hint of Jersey Shore.  I need colleges to start making classes called “Life 101” and it tells you about all the bullshit you can expect post-grad. There’s medical diseases for everything else and postgraduationdysmophia needs to me the next one added to the list. I feel it’s like the plague in the Walking Dead – we all saw it coming but we just ignored it till we couldn’t ignore it anymore.

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Growing up the 1st of the month is just a day – nothing else. When you’re an adult, it’s the worst day of the month. Your lovely bank account shrinks to depths that you did not expect. I think I fear bills more than I fear death. It’s like bills is a half of step down from God on the fear spectrum. Let’s all be realistic – without credit cards, we all wouldn’t survive. My credit card is one of my best friends and I’m okay with that. Credit – where did that come from? I already have to worry about being a good person in life or I won’t get to heaven, good enough grades or I wouldn’t of graduated college, a good enough resume or I wouldn’t of gotten a job and now the world is telling me that this three digit number is determining my future. Gotcha, I’m just going to crawl in a hole and hibernate now.

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Friends. Where the hell do all your friends go? High school and college – you have friends by the dozen. Plans all the time. Graduation rolls around and boom, everyone is in a different state, having a different job, and different life. Someone needs to write a damn book on this stuff and you must make sure there is a friend chapter because it’s real. If your friendship survived the post-grad separation, it’s real – pat yourself on the back. What’s even stranger is trying to relate to all your friends who are all on different levels of life – I cannot relate to anyone with a baby, I just cannot. I literally eat fast food 3 out of 7 days a week and carpool isn’t’ in my vocabulary. You try to relate to all of your friends but for me, it is very hard and I need a rule book so I don’t stick a foot in my mouth at all times. Even though everyone is on a different level, I still try to be there for all of my friends whether I can relate or not because at the end of the day, Donald Trump is still all of our President unfortunately so we can all relate on some level.

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Dating – I will say it for everyone. Dating in 2017 sucks. East Coast, West Coast, Belgium – it all sucks. Depending on your area, you’re forced to join these dating apps where you are judged by your witty bio and selection of photos. Do you know how hard it is to explain to your mother that a guy likes you from a photo? A single photo. You have Tinder, Hinge, Bumble – so many that I cannot keep up. For a princess, I’m awkward as hell. I’m not cute, I’m not flirty – I’m awkward as shit and you want to know why? Because I’m on a damn application looking for someone to watch Hulu with and that’s awkward in itself. Nowadays you go out and you can’t meet anyone. Why? Because they are only out to meet their date from a dating app. Once again, the nun life is looking real good. You finally meet these guys and then the games begin – How much do we text? Are we going to date or hang out? How much is too much? It’s stupid – my generation looks dumb based on the way we date. I look at it two ways – you’re either just not going to go away forever and we get married or you disappear and I rejoice that all of my food stays in my house and not in your stomach.

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With friends dating comes relationships which brings marriage. I literally cannot stand my own self somedays so the fact that people I know are finding life partners is incredible to me. Literally, saying the word marriage makes me want to cry. Also, I want to address the elephant in the room – HOW THE HELL DO YALL HAVE MARRIAGE MONEY? Everytime I see an engagement ring, I wonder if there’s layaway plans for rings. I have friends who are ready to dedicate their whole life to someone and I literally couldn’t decide between Popeyes and Five Guys yesterday. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for all of my married friends. I love a good wedding – especially an open bar.  Marriage is beautiful to me – the good, bad, and ugly but it’s a foreign ass concept to me right now. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy the free alcohol you’re providing for me on your special day.

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On top of marriage and bliss, imagine being the single friend during all the love. You want to literally gauge your eyeballs out. If I get one more “I have a friend for you”, I might just become a nun so I can only be a woman of God. Now I know that right now, I’m not ready to be married to someone but it really does make you question yourself. I’m not one of those “well my friends are doing it so I’m going to do it too” but it makes you think – “am I doing life wrong?” “when will I find that person?” “am I late to the party that I wasn’t even invited to?” I think this is one of things that I’m struggling with the most in my twenties – I graduated, I got the job, I moved out on my own, I’m supporting myself but then you look around and it’s like “is marriage supposed to be next?”. I feel very Carrie from Sex in The City commenting on this but it’s definitely something that comes up during my Mid-Twenties crisis.

I was going to write a paragraph on kids but lets be honest – my ass is nowhere close to being ready for kids. I would love to be at that point in my life but I literally eat six vegetables so until I expand my horizon, I need to put those dreams on hold. If you have a kid and you’re reading this, I praise you. I was a camp counselor and I loved it with a passion but at night, I would cry sometimes. Just bawl – why? Because kids need you every minute of everyday and having a little thing wake you up in the middle of the night because they got a bead stuck in their ear at 1 am after putting them to bed at 11 pm is just overwhelming so claps for you because I need another 5-6 years before I even fathom that life.

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I just admitted to the whole internet that I’m winging it in life and I’m completely okay with it.

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If you’re out there reading any of this, I feel you girl/boy/person. I feel you.

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