I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve blogged. It has been. You get caught up in daily life – work, friends, relationships. I got caught up in daily life and that’s one of the reasons why I’m back here blogging today.
Life is short. That’s so clique to say but it is. I think sometimes our generation takes that for granted. I think sometimes we think we are immortal. Frequently, I hear the phrases “sleep when you’re dead” or “you have your youth to party” and while some of that is true, life is too short to waste on meaningless things, relationships, friendships, etc.
Recently, I just lost a friend. Not just any friend – I lost a friend that I truly loved from the bottom of my heart. The pain that I feel on a daily basis is unbearable at times. I go from being happy and in denial to sad and hopeless.
Sidenote: Grieving sucks. Grieving is probably the worst thing ever besides death. There will be days and I wake up and I’m okay, I can do this and then a song comes on and *boom* here comes the tears, doesn’t matter where you are. Grieving doesn’t care if you’re at Marshalls shopping for shoes or at a restaurant on a date – the ghost of grieving doesn’t give a shit. If you’re a friend to a grieving person, just bare with them because the pain and emotions you go through while grieving is so hard to put in words. You just don’t even really know how to feel and everyone does it differently so don’t tell them how to feel, don’t make it personal. Just be a good friend and keep it pushing.
He was one of my first friends in college – I met him through another friend and immediately, we became close. He would come to my dorm and I would stay at his house. He was that friend that could just make your day so much better instantly. His smile was contagious and his spirit was unforgettable. Anyone who knew him loved him. I remember just spending hours together just talking about nothing and just laughing so hard your stomach hurt.
One of my favorite memories of him was after I got out of my last relationship. I called him and my other best friend, told them the news, and waited for them to arrive at my house. At the time, I lived in a small apartment that was way too hot in the summertime – I mean like sweating bullets, have to lay in front of the fan hot. I was sobbing mess like most females are after a breakup. They came over and they laid in bed with me and watched The Hills with me while I cried for hours. He came over everyday that week with fast food and wine to nurture my broken heart no matter how late it was after he got off or how hot it was in my apartment. That’s the type of he was. He was that friend that you could lean on during anything. You failed your test? (Which I did often in college, sorry Mom) He would bring the tequila at 4 pm and was ready to take shots with you. Your car broke down? He was there to come pick you up with food. On many occasions, he was the shoulder to lean on in times of need.
Now we were close but we only talked about once a week opposed to everyday. I would get so caught up in work or social life and vice versa that our conversations would get sparse after college. Everytime we texted or called or Facetimed, it was like we were back in college in my dorm room talking about the latest drama. The last time I talked to him, we were talking about how we needed to make more time for each other. Four days later, I find out that he’s gone.
We get so busy in life that often we don’t make time for the people that we love. We think that we have more time but in my situation, I didn’t have enough time. I ran out of time with my friend and everyday since, I desperately want more time. The realization that I will never hear his laugh or watch him dance to Rihanna becomes more apparent everyday. It was an eye-opener for me. It opened my mind up to not only evaluating my friendships but making sure I keep others closer because you never know what will happen. You never know how much time you have with someone.
I miss my friend everyday and I probably will never stop missing my friend but I know he’s in a better place. Grieving is hard, this shit sucks. I feel like there’s no correct way to do it and I know day by day I’m trying to cope the best way I can but during this grieving process, I’m going to remember my friend for the good person he was and going forward stay close to those who mean the most to me.